I was shocked to see the sheer volume of comments on the post, To The Moms Trolling on Facebook. Most agreed that we need to be a whole lot nicer to one another. Some brought forward another point that can negatively affect our lives:
Moms should not have unrealistic expectations of each other.
And especially of themselves.
This is our reality every night after the kids are put to bed. You don’t see this reality on social media often.
Most of us can safely agree that if all of woman-kind was being graded, it would receive an “F” for playing well with others. We tend to be pretty awful to one another, beginning at a young age.
What we really need to understand is that in reality, every mom has a version of crazy in their lives. Some moms are just better at hiding it. It’s just a fact of life and we need to start owning it and embrace the imperfections!
Every mom has some version of crazy in their lives. Some of us are just better at hiding it. pic.twitter.com/G9AtEnxmdH
— The Mama Nurse (@TheMamaNurse) March 10, 2016
So, in order for other moms to fully understand that:
1.You are doing an amazing job as a mom and you do not have to keep up with anyone else
AND
2. Your kids are fantastic just the way they are
I thought that I would share some of my personal Instagrams and add more realistic captions to show that nobody’s life, especially mine, is perfect.
Now I have no clue what people actually perceive my life to be like, but I have had friends and family make comments like, “you make it look so easy” and I’m all like, “whaaat? I just ate my kids drool somehow”.
Since I try to keep the embarrassing public moments to a minimum (until now I guess), I suppose some could have a skewed vision of what my reality is. I wholeheartedly appreciate my life and how full of love it is, but it’s definitely not all rainbows and glittery unicorns.
If yours is, well, I guess we can’t be friends any more unless you let me ride one!
This picture was not intentional at all, and I was actually just going to send it to my hubby to pretty much say, “look what YOUR busy son is up to and all I can do is mitigate risks”.
Seriously, this kid hits his head ALL. THE. TIME.
At this point I had pretty much given up on trying to stop him from climbing and chose to take a gamble that he probably would fall on one of those pillows while I went pee…Which in actuality he somehow missed them all and cried a whole lot.
Yup. That’s a definite parenting fail.
It’s a given: If one wants to cuddle, they both are going to want to cuddle. Hilarity ensues.
A photo posted by Tori Hamilton (@torihamilton1234) on
They’re freaking adorable, right? But what this picture doesn’t say is how my kids always fight with each other to cuddle with me, leaving me with zero personal space.
Of course I am thankful that I have an over-abundance of love in my life, but it can get exhausting.
I’m not very buy cheap silagra good at being ON all of the time, and my patience and parenting skills plummet when I lack time to myself throughout the day. I literally screamed at my preschooler later on in the day, after the fifth time asking her to get her boots on.
Not a proud moment in my mommy books.
1. That is a used sock in my son’s mouth that he refused to give up.
2. That is my dog’s ball in his hand that they both slobber on frequently and I avoid taking away for fear of a massive melt down.
3. I took this picture because I realized I hadn’t taken his picture in like a week. I guess what they say about your second child holds true…
Enough said. Moving on.
A photo posted by Tori Hamilton (@torihamilton1234) on
This is one of my favourite pictures of my daughter and I in a fort. She absolutely loves forts. We made this the day after I had written a post about what really is important to our kids, and I had made a resolution to myself to stay off my phone and spend quality time with her and my son for the entire day.
You can see by the time on the picture that I lasted about an hour before picking up my phone, taking this picture of us and posting it for others to see, instead of keeping this moment to ourselves.
I also wrote a post about less phone – more love, that I have completely failed at following… I’m addicted to my phone more than ever and still looking for ways to tone it down.
As you can see, my life is nowhere near perfect. Do I portray our lives on social media through rose coloured glasses?
Probably.
Don’t we all?
Oh boy. pic.twitter.com/Y5R4jIGHKy
— The Mama Nurse (@TheMamaNurse) March 10, 2016
We are all going through the same things. No matter our parenting choices, we all feel the guilt and worry and resentment and shame and torment of not knowing whether we are doing the right thing for our kids. Do you know what I think we need to do to fix this?
Not care any more!
Every year I get a bit older, and every year I learn to care a little bit less.
I am learning to be OK with not being a perfect mom.
My kids love me and so far they think I’m the best mommy of the world… Mostly because they have had no other mommies to compare me to. I’ll take it.
I bet it’s the same in your world, too. Embrace your perfectly imperfect lives, and free yourself from these unattainable goals that we have set for all of mommyhood. Why? Because the meaning of life is not what we display on social media, but rather who we are to the important people that surround us.
xo, The Mama Nurse
How do you survive the mommy guilt? Please add your personal stories or thoughts to the comment section below!
Love this, thanks for sharing #abitofeverything
Thanks!
I get over mom guilt by understanding I can’t be it all or do it all. My kids don’t know, when I’m not at my best. I give them a hug and kiss and praise them and they are happy.
Exactly. Life to them is so simple. They just want you to be there for them.
We just need to accept that no one is a perfect momma, and we’d all be much better at it if we’d stop judging each other and focus on ourselves. I love your openness and candor here, and I can totally relate! We have the same feelings about dog toys here, and cuddling turns into a three-way fight between the kids. 🙂
Thanks Samantha! There are definitely a lot of things that I have done as a parent that I never thought I would. After awhile you have to decide what is really important to fight with your kids about. I figure the dog toys have helped with his immune system 😉 I do try to keep them away from him, but sometimes listening to a meltdown just isn’t worth it!
A great little read and a nice reminder too. It would be so much easier if all moms could practice kindness to ourselves and to other moms on a consistent basis. We are all just doing the best we can and everyone’s best is different.
I agree! 😀
LOVE LOVE LOVE this. We are so not perfect and we shouldn’t be, because we’re each on our own journey for something. And OMG why are some moms so judgey instead of being supportive? We’ve all been through so much!
Thanks Julie! I figure the imperfections are what make life interesting 😉
Couldn’t agree with this post anymore than I do! We all write about the reality of motherhood but do we always show it. Instagram paints a pretty picture. #AbitofEverything
Love this! Thank you for sharing! Reality is almost the exact opposite of what social media portrays…thank you for calling it out. I survive the mommy guilt by doing my best to focus on the times where I get it mostly right. I focus on the happy memories and the silly, lovely moments of cuddling and playing. I love the imperfections because they have forced me to be way more laid back and roll with life. I hope this post starts a revolution of support and we remember that we all may take different paths, but our goal is similar…as moms, we are here to do the best we can for our children, giving them all of the love and support possible. We should be lifting each other up instead of pushing each other down.
We aren’t perfect, but there’s this desire to present our most “desirable” selves to others, because that’s what’s expected, right? And when you see so many “perfect” images online of others, it’s hard not to question your own life, right? But we forget that we’re only seeing what people want us to see. Hopefully we can be supportive of one another, but people can be cruel online.
It’s an odd double standard when it comes to portraying the truth as somehow it is unnatural to want to show the best you can. I get that it can create unrealistic expectations and pressure for images of perfection but in any other area you would be slated if you didn’t put your best stuff up!
I liked your little explanations of the stories behind the images. That’s what makes them interesting, none of this ‘picture telling a 1000 words’!
#abitofeverything
My mom guilt is so strong! I have not gotten over it at all. But I do take comfort in knowing my boys think I am the best mommy ever, even on the days I think I’m doing an awful job. <3
I know it really is an every day internal struggle. But like you said, our kids love us regardless and that’s what matters!
Oh I love this. And can fully relate. I deal with mummy guilt all the time with going to work and trying to balance school kids, toddler, homework, life, cleaning, blog, etc. We juggle and we do what we can. You are doing a great job. There is no such thing as a perfect mum, but there is a great one. xxThanks for linking #abitofeverything xx
Thanks so much for your comment Susan! All we can do is our best and we have good and bad days. All thos guilt we carry around has got to go!