Now that the third trimester has hit hard and fast, I have quickly been reminded that pregnancies are not all full of sunshine and rainbows. Oh no. Sometimes, they just full of heartburn, kankles and malodourous flatulence.
Perhaps some of you fellow mamas will be able to laugh along with me at these 11 pregnancy truths!
Pregnancy Truth #1
Hearing your partner say, “If I could trade you places in the delivery room, I would”, and listening to him gripe about his sympathy weight probably won’t seem as endearing to you as he intended. Gently let him know that if he really wants to impress his pregnant wife, her favourite ice cream and a foot rub will suffice. After all, he means well.
Pregnancy Truth #2
As soon as you lay down to go to bed, your baby will start kicking your bladder and every other one of your internal organs like she is preparing for the World Cup . You always make sure to triple check the bathroom situation before trying to get some shut-eye… But alas, you will still probably have to get up to pee multiple times through the night.
Pregnancy Truth #3
Your body is probably, at some point, going to retaliate against your pregnancy in some way. Constipation, insomnia, nausea & vomiting, swollen feet, hemorrhoids, leaking bladder, sore breasts, round ligament pain and sciatica are all very real problems that many pregnant women face. Let your doc know and see if she or he has recommendations for getting some relief!
Pregnancy Truth #4
Apparently it is impossible for a pregnancy weight check to occur without having awkward small-talk with your OB about how many DQ Blizzards you have had this month, or to have a vaginal exam without discussing this week’s potential weather pattern. We healthcare providers are experts at providing awkward small-talk at inopportune moments, driving pregnant women all around the world crazy.
Pregnancy Truth #5
On a more positive note, pound cake is an acceptable breakfast food while pregnant. At least on occasion. Eggs have the good kind of cholesterol, right?
Pregnancy Truth #6
Also, “the baby made me do it” is always an acceptable excuse for pretty much anything.
Pregnancy Truth #7
The ease of the second trimester is just a tease. “Oh? You’re extremely nauseous and exhausted, but can’t tell anyone how awful you feel because you’re in your first trimester? There there, have a relaxing rest of your pregnancy…JUST KIDDING! Have fun not being able to bend over, laugh without peeing or sleep for longer than 1 hour at a time for the next three months!”
Pregnancy Truth #8
People are automatically nicer to you once they notice that you’re pregnant, which makes you wonder why they can’t be just as nice to you all the time. Especially at times when you need it the most- like when your toddler is having a massive public meltdown. Why can’t strangers tell you how great you are then?!
Pregnancy Truth #9
Unfortunately this also means that complete strangers are more likely to randomly ask you inappropriate questions while you are pregnant. They will think it is completely normal to tell you that you must be carrying a boy because all your weight is in your hips, that you must be close because you’re starting to waddle like a duck, then reach over to touch your belly while standing in line with you at Walmart holding a value-sized box of super absorbency tampons.
Pregnancy Truth #10
You will eventually come to the realisation that your pregnancy may be over – you carried another being in your womb for nine months and endured labour and delivery – but the hardest work you have to do is actually ahead of you.
Pregnancy Truth #11
Even with all of this ridiculousness, you still will feel a sense of emptiness in your belly when your beautiful baby is born. Pregnancy, child birth and motherhood are some of the most exhausting, downright painful, exasperating and yet utterly fulfilling experiences that a woman has.
You are now a mother, and you wouldn’t change it for the world.
Here’s to all of the wonderful mamas out there! I hope you all enjoyed the laugh. Now excuse me while I go raid my kid’s leftover Easter candy. Cheers!