To the Moms Trolling on Facebook

TO THE MOMS (4)

Valentine’s Day is coming up. As a mother of two small children, I don’t really have time to consider what this day means for my husband and I. We know that we love each other, and we do not need a day to pronounce this love. The best Valentine’s day gift we could get each other is an empty house and some sanity.

romance killer

Even if my husband and I are not celebrating Valentine’s Day, it’s still very important to me. Why? Though it is marketed as a romantic holiday to boost chocolate and diamond sales for adults, to a child it is a time that you can tell your friends you love them. This year, I wanted my preschooler to experience this. I decided to Pinterest the crap out of my daughter’s Valentines because:

  1. I have just returned to work and had a free day to spend with her
  2. She loves doing crafts
  3. My projects typically end up being put on my long list of Pinterest fails and wanted to prove to myself that I do not suck

 

I was so proud of how they turned out, of how happy she was with them and of how excited she was to give them to her friends (hell, even that my three year old has friends!). Normally I would want to share them on Facebook, but the thought of doing so gave me pause.

I wondered whether other moms would feel bad about having store bought ones, or if people would think that they are awful. I ended up not sharing, to avoid the issue entirely. I figured that all that really mattered was that the kids enjoyed them.
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A friend of mine and her son made these delicious Valentine’s for his classmates seen below, and then posted on Facebook a picture of her son sitting proudly beside his “One in a minion’s”. The whole picture was freaking adorable, and she received a ton of positive feedback. She is a busy mom of five boys, and you could see the joy in her son’s eyes from what they had accomplished and from being able to spend one-on-one time with his mom.

Untitled design

The next morning, I was surprised to see a post from my same friend, thanking everyone for their likes and comments, but also touching on the fact that not everyones reactions were positive. A few moms had told her that her crafts were too extravagant and that she was over-doing a senseless holiday.

Though she didn’t apologise for sharing her son’s Valentines, it saddened her that there were moms out there worrying about what other moms are doing. That when a mom proudly posts a picture, there seems to always be other moms in the background riddled with jealously and guilt- so much so that they would find a need to make judgemental comments.

Her situation really spoke to me, since I had chosen not to share our Valentine’s because of those very reasons. It made me angry. Does it do these moms any good to post rude comments? Does it help them sleep better at night, knowing that they have made another mom who is trying her best feel awful? Do they feel better about themselves in return?

To all the moms trolling out there, silagra here is a fun fact: It only takes one comment to ruin someone’s day.

haters

I completely understand the societal pressure that all moms are now under, because I am a mom. I feel the pressures to be perfect every day when it comes to my relationship, my kids, my work and my home, just like you. I am much less than perfect, but am trying to embrace my imperfections. It’s not easy. I am not immune to those feelings of guilt or jealousy when I see other moms pictures on Facebook, but I also know that social media does not tell the whole story of a persons life.

People don’t typically share the moments that take them to the breaking point, like when “my child didn’t sleep all night and it feels like I am dealing with a baby Tyrannosaurus Rex”, or “my partner and I are having a really hard time adjusting to parenthood and I’m not sure if we’re going to make it”, or even “this baby toy is really cute, but I have buyers remorse because we are in a lot of debt”.

You have to read between the lines. Facebook is not reality. It gives us a way to share the positive things in our lives so that we can feel supported and loved.

End of story.

Anyone who knows me, or that has read why I have a restraining order against Elf of the Shelf, already knows that I completely suck at crafting.

My Pinterest Boards Are Where DreamsGo To Diewww.themamanurse.com (1)

Meanwhile, my best friend does amazing work with her sewing machine. She started off making adorable, giant head bands for her little girl, and has recently started making full-blown outfits. Every day my newsfeed has another picture of her daughter looking stellar, while my son is in his pajamas at 3pm covered in drool and scrambled eggs. charlottes outfit

I could have decided to be a dick and ask her not to post any more pictures, avoid her pictures altogether or unfollow her posts. But, I came to the realization that my feelings have nothing to do with her. What she is doing is AMAZING, and she deserves support from her friend so that she can continue doing what she loves.

I want her to be happy. I want her to grow. I want her to be the strong woman she is meant to be. I don’t want to cut anyone else down, just because I can’t do what they do, whether due to my lack of time, experience, or ability. I eventually was able to overcome my insecurities, and I now do everything in my power to support what she does.

Just as I hope other moms have embraced my hobby to write (thank you for your support!), I see other moms showcasing their skills in hopes of getting the support they so need and deserve. Every mom that I know bends over backwards for their children. Every mom that I know also compares herself to others.

Please, for the sake of our children and ourselves, can we spend this Valentine’s Day appreciating one another, instead of disdainfully judging? Can we please uplift one another’s skills instead of casting them down?

So, to the moms trolling on Facebook, answer me this: Can’t we all just get along?

via GIPHY

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TheMamaNurse

Hi! I am a Registered Nurse on a unit that encompasses labour and delivery, postpartum, medical, surgical and palliative care in a rural hospital in Ontario, Canada. I am a mom of two and am passionate about women's rights, mom and infant care, parenting and nursing. I hope to create an educational, entertaining and highly relatable resource for women around the world. Thanks for stopping by! Xo, The Mama Nurse

73 thoughts on “To the Moms Trolling on Facebook

  • February 13, 2016 at 5:23 am
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    I am so sorry your friend found herself being judged by other Moms. I understand both sides, as someone who has at times been a bit blunt while not intending to troll. However, I have also been on the receiving end of harsh judgements. That’s tough. #PoCoLO

    Reply
    • February 13, 2016 at 12:54 pm
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      It is tough. Sure, every one is entitled to their own opinions, but perhaps the harsh judgements could be better kept to oneself to avoid hurt feelings. Following the old adage, “if you have nothing nice to say…” can do a lot of good 😀

      Reply
  • February 13, 2016 at 8:42 am
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    Love this! First your animal Valentines cards are lovely. But second everything you said – people lash out at others because they are not happy with themselves and the cycle of spreading sadness is awful. I choose to be positive and follow the golden rule. Great props to the moms who can make amazing crafts, and no big deal if I cannot.

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    • February 13, 2016 at 12:52 pm
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      Thanks Julie! It really is awful. Everyone needs support from their loved ones, and Facebook gives them an outlet to do so. No one should feel bad about posting proud moments on social media! 😀

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  • February 13, 2016 at 10:40 am
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    Great post!…Some people are just ridiculous. All of the hate is really uncalled for. I love to do crafts with my kids and I post about it on my blog. However, I do not post all of the pics because they do not turn out the way I want them to all of the time. But, I would never judge anyone else for spending time with their children and being proud of what they did together. It’s just stupid and a waste of time.
    P.S. The cards you guys made do look amazing! I wanted to do those with my kids as well but did not get a chance to. I really like what your friends made as well.

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    • February 13, 2016 at 12:50 pm
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      Thanks so much, Lori! Sometimes there just aren’t enough hours in the day!

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  • February 13, 2016 at 11:46 am
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    I feel sorry for the people on the end of these nasty comments, some people need to get their heads around the fact that not everything that goes on in people’s lives goes up on social media. Great post! #PoCoLo

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  • February 13, 2016 at 2:43 pm
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    Oh my gosh I feel this way all the time! I have finally learned to just say something silly like “someone pissed in her Cheerios this morning” and keep going. Haters gonna hate right?

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    • February 13, 2016 at 3:46 pm
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      Spot on, Carrie. My hope is that when people read this post, they will think twice about what the purpose of their commenting is. Sure, you can disagree, but there are still ways to do so in a respectful manner. 😀 Thanks for coming by!

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  • February 13, 2016 at 2:49 pm
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    Lovely piece. Couldn’t agree more. Why bother with knocking other’s efforts? That’s just envy (or inadequacy) speaking! Your crafting is ace x #justanotherlinky

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  • February 13, 2016 at 4:05 pm
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    Amen! If you can’t say anything nice, just scroll on by! I’ve never understood why people who’d never be mean to people’s faces think it somehow doesn’t count on social media! It so does!

    Those crafts and outfits are wonderful 🙂

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  • February 13, 2016 at 5:22 pm
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    To me this just comes down to kindness. Why can’t we just be kind to each other? We all have different strengths and talents, just applaud each other instead of being so jealous. I post what I like, successes and failures and if people don’t like it then tough. I’m rubbish at crafting but my son loves me doing stuff with him because like you said I’ve given him my time. Surely that’s what matters, happy kids.

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:58 am
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      Definitely, Catie. Happy kids is what we all strive for, and if we can support each other during the process, then bonus!

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  • February 13, 2016 at 9:22 pm
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    It’s sad but this happens a lot and I think its true. I get a lot of people with illness do this to me because I have health problems and try to make the most of life..some are jealous and they really troll me bad! It’s sad but i’m learning to ignore it! Angela stopping by from #KCAKOLS

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:55 am
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      Angela that is awful! You would think that people with health problems would understand the most how much negative comments can hurt, since the general public can be quite rude and inconsiderate. Good job keeping on, but hopefully you can find ways to reduce your risk of receiving these negative comments. Or are they being posted on your blog? I really feel for you! xx

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  • February 14, 2016 at 2:30 am
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    I love love love this Post! You have articulated so beautifully what most of us are trying to express! We are all human, and we’re all not going to agree on everything. But if you see something you don’t agree with, you can be the better person by just moving along and not be nasty. What happiness can you derive from ruining someone’s day? That same someone could be your sister, your neighbour, your best friend, or the next time, yourself. #KCACOLS

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    • February 14, 2016 at 9:28 am
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      Exactly, what good will your mean words do? Thanks for reading!

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  • February 14, 2016 at 6:53 am
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    Totally agree. I have to admit I do get a bit jealous when I see beautiful crafts that other people have done with their children because that’s just not my thing at all, but then I’m sure there are other things that I do with my son that they don’t. We are all unique and have different talents. Why not celebrate that fact instead of trying to tear each other down? And that little floral outfit is adorable! #KCACOLS

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:50 am
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      I know, isn’t it? I can easily say I am very jealous of people with crafting skills just as you are: all the nurses I work with crochet, my mom quilts, sews, and knits, my best friend sews (as pictured), my step mom sews and makes kids clothing… totally jealous of them all, but in a good way! I am in complete awe of their skills 😀

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  • February 14, 2016 at 9:06 am
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    Those Valentines are so cute! I so agree that there’s nothing to be gained from leaving nasty comments. If you don’t like looking at other people’s endeavours, just scroll on. They don’t invalidate yours or make you a bad parent. Happiness never comes from comparison with others anyway! x #KCACOLS

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  • February 14, 2016 at 11:39 am
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    Great post! I don’t post much on Facebook (nor do I make many crafts) but I agree that we should all stop being so tough on each other. We’re all in similar situations and would do better working together rather than judging each other. #KCACOLS

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  • February 14, 2016 at 6:12 pm
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    I’d much prefer us all to support each other too – I’m sure the world would be a nicer place for it. Although I suspect jealousy is at the root of this, it’s a shame though that such small mindedness (at best) can cause upset. I love to see what other people are up to – partly for inspiration and partly to see that other people can get some of the pinterest stuff to actually work!! Thanks for linking up to #PoCoLo

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:48 am
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      Hahaha, it sounds like you may have had your fair share of Pinterest fails as well? I completely agree, jealousy can easily rear its ugly head, so really its no wonder we all paint our lives in rose-coloured glasses- a defence mechanism to avoid negative comments.

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  • February 15, 2016 at 1:35 am
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    I think Facebook is a strange creature. I wish people would post more of their failed crafts pics alongside the ones that went right and would put the ‘my kids being a monster’ statuses as well as the good ones because I think people would be less judgey if it was more reflective of real life. But saying that I agree with you that negative comments are not needed, just scroll on by. #anythinggoes

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:45 am
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      You’re so right. This post mostly unintentionally in addition brought to light the fact that people are not always as they are on social media. I, for one, am going to attempt to be more honest in my posting on Facebook 😀

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  • February 15, 2016 at 3:29 am
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    You’re so right.
    Why do we have to hate on each other?
    What ever happened to mother’s sticking together?
    And what about the old saying “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”?
    I love the minions and I love the cards you guys made. And I’m not only saying that to be polite 🙂
    Glad to have found you from the anything goes Linky

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  • February 15, 2016 at 3:32 am
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    Love this post. I hate any form of trolling. I always think that if you wouldn’t say it in to person to someone then you shouldn’t be saying it on the internet. You are right we shouldn’t be trolling each other but instead supporting each other 🙂 #anythinggoes

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:41 am
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      Agree, as moms we really need to be there for each other because its so easy to become isolated while in toddler-land. The only good trolls I know of are the ones with the fuzzy hair 😉

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  • February 15, 2016 at 3:58 am
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    I love your daughters animal valentines crafts and your friends little minions it’s sad that you didn’t post something you were proud of because you were worried what others may think. I think us parents should support each other, if you don’t like something then just don’t comment. Negative comments can really upset you, especially if you’ve put a lot of effort in to something. Facebook doesn’t tell the whole story, people should think who they would would feel if they were on the receiving end of nasty comments before they hit send.xx #anythinggoes

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:40 am
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      It’s like we are sharing a brain! 😀 I know that it is silly to care what people think, but I think it’s a fairly common human condition. I’m pretty positive that if I had shared them no one would have stopped and wrote “those are shit!”, but one never knows! 😉 Thanks for coming by!

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  • February 15, 2016 at 8:20 am
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    People just need to keep scrolling and be quiet on Facebook. I don’t understand the need to make negative comments. It takes no effort whatsoever to simply move on

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  • February 15, 2016 at 8:30 am
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    I actually do think that the way many people use facebook to portray a rose tinted version of the world is problematic. I think it is creating unnecessary competition, makes others feel bad and, to be honest, could well be indicative of ‘protesting too much’. However, I don’t think being rude to people about those posts is a valid solution, as that is also making people feel bad. & I also don’t think that people should never be able to show off anything they did, or show off a special occasion (it’s more the feeling the need to report every positive thing ever said on every kid’s reports from nursery and school, or the fact that your husband sent you a nice message, that type of thing, that I think is unnecessary & usually quite selective). But I do find it odd that people leave these nasty comments on EVERYTHING. Just ignore it if you don’t like it, don’t comment. It is one thing to state an opposing opinion in a thread that is debating something. I think that is fine and people should accept it will happen. But just writing nasty or critical comments that add nothing of any value, on something that doesn’t require a debate, is pointless. It’s being vindictive for the sake of it. So, whilst I don’t necessarily think that the way facebook has come to be used is always all that healthy, I agree with you about people leaving nasty or judgmental comments for the sake of it. & I do think both the cards & the minion treats are very cute! #anythinggoes

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:37 am
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      I completely agree with everything you just said! We have to take Facebook as it is (and perhaps all make a concerted effort to be more real), and recognize that words really do hurt. Thanks so much for stopping by and for taking the time to comment! <3

      Reply
  • February 15, 2016 at 1:26 pm
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    YES! I love this post. Totally agree wth Jeremy above…how hard is it to just ignore anything that makes you feel sad/rubbish etc because of you, not because of the person posting. I see things on FB all the time that make me feel inferior as a mother (crafting, outings, just people looking more ‘together’ than me!) but that’s my issue and anyway FB is a filtered view. As you say, you post the good stuff and if you post the good stuff you often want (maybe need) validation. We all do it. #KCACOLS

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:31 am
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      You hit the nail on the head Lucy! Everybody is looking for the same thing, so why not spread the love?

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  • February 15, 2016 at 1:37 pm
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    Why do people ever feel the need to make nasty remarks? I often wonder if there is something missing from their own lives because surely you can’t ever feel good being unpleasant to people?

    I stick with the “say something nice or nothing at all” rule, especially when it comes to social media. There is always going to be someone posting something you disagree with but why not just shrug and move on?

    Re crafts and motherhood. I’m a self-confessed lazy mum, and I do feel quite intimidated by other mums at times. I’m totally rubbish at imaginative play etc and struggle to find the energy. One thing I love though is crafting with my son. Don’t get me wrong, I SUCK at it lol but I find it really enjoyable and it’s one of the few things I feel comes naturally to me as a parent.

    Sure if a mother was posting some new project EVERY DAY it would grate on me (although I would still never dream of saying anything!) but as a one-off it’s an adorable thing to share and I say let the haters hate and be miserable 🙂

    PS your valentines are adorable! Glad you shared them here <3 #jusanotherlinky

    Reply
    • February 16, 2016 at 1:30 am
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      Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment Laura! As long as we find things that we enjoy doing with our kids, who cares if we suck at it? Our kids usually don’t know that until they’re old enough to not want to hang out with us anyways 😉 I am loving all of the mama support!

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  • February 15, 2016 at 3:22 pm
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    Love this post. I had a similar issue recently with someone commenting that I had over-shared in my blog (If you fancy a nosy I wrote a reply “Dear Concerned Friend” which put them straight!!). It can be so hurtful when you share something you are proud of or which means a lot to you and somebody knocks you down with a thoughtless comment. Let the haters hate, they’re only jealous. #anythinggoes

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    • February 16, 2016 at 1:27 am
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      OMG that’s horrible, and I will definitely be taking a gander. As bloggers it may seem that we have no issues of putting ourselves out there, but in reality it hurts a lot when we get negative feedback… Even if it is part of the gig. Some people just don’t understand the concept of blogging either. Sometimes I wish I had kept my anonymity so I could hide behind it.. But what’s the fun in that. I say kudos to you for putting yourself out there to help other mamas!

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  • February 15, 2016 at 3:52 pm
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    i am so sorry your friend had to endure this type of feedback. The world would be a happier place if we all just supported each other.
    On another note, I love your crafts, especially the elephant and snail – brilliant 🙂 #anythinggoes

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  • February 15, 2016 at 6:35 pm
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    Great post, thanks for sharing. I don’t understand why people just can’t get along either. Post what you want and don’t worry about it! Other peoples problems if they don’t like..? Kathy xx KCACOLS

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  • February 15, 2016 at 8:50 pm
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    You guys did an amazing job on those Valentine’s, I love them! This post was really great. I know I have felt jealous of lot’s of other people via social media. That’s usually when I know it’s time to take a break.
    You might not be crafty (so you say), but you are an awesome mom, an awesome nurse, and you have a kick ass blog, so there’s that! 🙂 We all have our strengths <3

    Reply
    • February 16, 2016 at 1:21 am
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      Thanks so much Erin. I really didn’t intentionally include our craft on this post to get praise, but man am I feeling the love! I am loving everyone’s comments so far and how honest we are all being. Hopefully this will be a reminder for us all to be a little more open, honest, and nicer to one another 😀

      Reply
  • February 16, 2016 at 2:53 pm
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    I think people who are caring what other mums are doing probably aren’t caring about their only children enough.

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  • February 16, 2016 at 7:45 pm
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    I never get the whole comparison thing. We obviously all have different skills and different priorities and different little things we enjoy and are proud of, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m an overly-creative homeschooler and I love taking pictures of my little crafts with my preschoolers. My own mom is also a homeschooler but she’s all about the academics and not the arts–neither homeschool is better, they’re just different because of our different personalities and strengths. I like seeing everything my friends post on Facebook, there’s nothing they accomplish that would ever make me feel bad about myself.

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    • February 28, 2016 at 9:59 pm
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      Yes, every one is good at something and we should all try to support each others talents, not take away from them. Thanks so much for stopping by!

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  • February 18, 2016 at 12:01 pm
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    What a great post! Those “one in a minion’s” are awesome!
    I’m like you, I suck at crafting, I never do crafts with my boys. I don’t get why other women feel like they have to tear someone down. I’ve never felt the need to do that. Like you said, why can’t we all just get along?
    Thanks for linking to #PoCoLo

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    • February 28, 2016 at 9:44 pm
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      Thanks Morgan! I do crafts with my daughter, but they’re never very good. Basically I let her glue shapes onto paper and she’s happy 😀

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  • February 19, 2016 at 8:43 am
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    I love this post, it brings to the forefront that generally we judge others and get irritated by their posts Because for one reason or another we ourselves are unable to do the same things, with our partner, children, family or even on our own. I do believe that Facebook especially somewhat of a false heard because people want to showcase their positive points, days or achievements Which personally I am all for. I prefer positivity over negativity. Unfortunately the people that don’t always have the nicer comments to say are generally unhappy with themselves or having a bad day. I feel if it’s upset you personally remove yourself from the situation, no good can come from leaving someone a negative comment on the post. Xxx

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    • February 28, 2016 at 9:40 pm
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      I agree. There’s no need to leave rude comments, when you can just scroll on by if a post is bothersome. Thanks for reading!

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  • February 21, 2016 at 7:07 pm
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    I couldn’t agree more. I don’t understand what is programmed in us women to be in constant competition with one another. I couldn’t bake a cake from scratch and mold fondant into a masterpiece but one of my friends is fucking awesome at it and I told her she should do it on the side to make extra money cause I truly believe she’s that good at it. Sometimes people just like to hear a simple compliment but for some reason some of us have a hard time admitting that we aren’t as good at something as the next person. Great post! Thanks for sharing with #momsterslink and I apologize for the delay in commenting as I had company in the form of my mother and then then the flu bug.

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    • February 22, 2016 at 4:33 am
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      Hahahaha Trista, I am not worried about it at all I know how life can be sometimes! I’m glad you have survived both the visit and your flu 😀 I completely agree that we need to start being a whole lot nicer to each other!

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  • February 22, 2016 at 2:14 am
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    Sadly I am reading more and more posts like this and I think it is going too far! I don’t understand why people feel they have the right to dig, snipe and generally put each other down we are all on the same side. I love your valentines, and the minions what a great idea!! #anythinggoes x

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  • February 23, 2016 at 1:39 pm
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    This is a really interesting post! I think most of us are guilty of posting proud moments on social media and I don’t think negative comments should stop you from doing so. At the end of the day – if they don’t like it they can unfollow you or ignore it. Why feel the need to leave a nasty comment? It is just mean and uncalled for.

    Thanks for linking up to #KCACOLS and I hope to see you back again this sunday when the linky opens again. x
    Maria recently posted…We are Potty TrainingMy Profile

    Reply
    • February 28, 2016 at 9:23 pm
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      Exactly! Completely agree with you! Thanks for having me I really enjoyed your link up! I especially like that recognition is given out to people that comment the most instead of whoever gets the most views! 😀

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  • February 25, 2016 at 2:17 am
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    Trolls are the worst and it’s such a shame these days that a lot of it seems to be coming from mums to other mums. It makes me sad and angry especially having been on the other end of it before! #KCACOLS
    tracey bowden recently posted…Bacofoil Foil Sandwich Bags ReviewMy Profile

    Reply
    • February 28, 2016 at 9:22 pm
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      I know, it’s just the worst! We should all support one another, not be haters! 😀

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  • February 26, 2016 at 10:31 am
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    This is the second post I read today about the same problem. What is going on with people and being nasty with their comments in facebook?. What is even more disgusting is that these horrible comments come from other mums. How sad is that!! If I don’t like a photo of a friend in fb I will just carry on looking something else. I will never stop and comment something nasty. I will only comment if I have something nice to say. And I think everybody should be like that. It is just a waste of time. I love that you are speaking up about it. This is what we should all do and try to stop all these haters out there. Let’s hope for a better world! You have 2 talented friends. I also think your valentine’s day cards were really nice!! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. I’m so happy to have you for the first time. And I’m so sorry that the first time you linked up with us we had this long break and also that I took longer to comment. It is not normally like that. I also would like to say thank you for commenting within the linky. I really Iove that!! I hope that you would like to join me again on Sunday! 🙂 x

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    • February 28, 2016 at 9:21 pm
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      Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I really enjoyed my time with #KCACOLS and hope to join in the future. I haven’t written anything at all this past week unfortunately because the kiddos have been sick, but you will see me in the future! 😀

      Reply
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