15 Comments Strangers Say to Pregnant Women (That They Shouldn’t!)

OK people! Regardless of how cute her belly is, becoming pregnant does not take away a woman’s right to privacy, personal space and respect. Once a pregnant belly becomes visible, strangers seem to flock from near and far to unite and invade her bubble, ask awkward personal questions and make rude comments. The following are things strangers should never, ever say to a pregnant woman. Listen up!

Are you having twins?

Though you may just be trying to poke some fun, this will probably seem like an obscure way to tell a pregnant woman you think they are huge. Not cool. Pregnancy changes a woman’s body in multiple ways and it

can be super hard to adjust to these changes. A comment suggesting that she looks as big as a house does not do much for the old self-esteem! Even if she is having twins, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to be told she is gigantic. Just a hunch.

You’re STILL pregnant?! You have been pregnant for forever!

You don’t say? Although that pregnant woman will probably agree with you, she doesn’t need another memo that she is still uncomfortably pregnant. It will be pretty obvious to her when she tries to tie her shoes, put pants on or when she has to go pee for the fiftieth time today.

You must be having a boy! You’re carrying all behind.

I remember being told this multiple times, and all I could think was, “does this mean you think my ass is big?” Although most people are attempting to take a fun guess at your baby’s gender, comments related to a pregnant woman’s body shape or weight is off-limits. Simple as that.

Carrying a little water, huh?

Whether her belly is large because she is carrying extra amniotic fluid or she has swelling in her hands and feet, she will be super uncomfortable and won’t want to discuss it with a complete stranger. She also is probably sufficiently self-conscious about her “kankles” already. Can’t we all just pretend they don’t exist (providing there is no medical concern).

You were married for a long time before having kids. Did you guys have trouble getting pregnant?

Unfortunately, infertility is becoming more and more prevalent and it causes a lot of added stress on a relationship. Discussing the times before conception could bring up a lot of strong negative feelings. Unless they bring it up themselves, this is frankly none of your business.

You look like a child yourself! Are you old enough to have kids?

Insert foot in mouth now. Looks can be deceiving when it comes to age. Also, if you are speaking to a soon to be young mother, don’t you think she already knows she is young? She has made a noble decision to see this pregnancy through and needs guidance and support, not judgemental comments.

Can I feel him kick?

No, you can back the H up. Having an adorable belly does not remove a woman’s right to have personal space. If you wouldn’t touch her belly when she isn’t pregnant, don’t bother asking to now. Doing so will ultimately make you both endure a super awkward moment that you will both try to forget about.

Your other child looks so young. Someone must not have been very careful. Was this one planned?

None of your freaking business! Families have all sorts of reasons to have their kids within varying time frames, whether planned or not. Your curiosity does not give you carte blanche to judge a family’s decision to have more children or the spacing between them.

You’re having a hard time with this pregnancy? That’s too bad, I didn’t even notice when I was.

A pregnant woman who is obviously not enjoying herself will not want to hear about your miraculous pregnancy experience or how much you glowed. End of story.

I wore my pre-pregnancy pants home from the hospital.

While this is very impressive, this can be deceiving (your jeans or your stretchy yoga pants two sizes too big?) and put an unrealistic expectation on postpartum women. Sure, this can happen, but it is an exception to the rule. Every woman experiences pregnancy and the year beyond differently. They don’t need to compare themselves to other’s and worry about their body image before they have even had their beautiful baby.

I have the worst labour and delivery story in the world. Do you want to hear it?

Though I believe that knowledge is power and pregnant women should do some research before going into labour, there is no need to scare the pants off of them with horror stories. Generally speaking, if you are making small talk in line at Walmart with a pregnant woman trying to buy breast pads, please spare her from your gory labour stories.

Are you going to nurse? You do know that breast is best, right?

Give me a break. Let’s get this straight: Every woman in all of Western civilization knows that breastfeeding has its benefits. I am also positive that pregnant women know whether they are planning to nurse their baby after delivery or not, since most birth plans cover this topic. She doesn’t need your pep talk. Breastfeeding a baby is not as easy as it seems, and these comments from strangers add unneeded stress to a new mom’s already difficult journey. Save your preaching for church.

Did you get any stretch marks?

This is a very personal question and is usually laden with judgement. If a pregnant woman wanted complete strangers to know all about the changes her body has undergone during pregnancy, then she would walk around topless. You don’t see that too often, do you?

You’re so tiny! Are you sure your baby is big enough?

Though this question may be an attempt at a compliment, chances are it will make her worry that her baby is unhealthy. I was asked this question numerous times during my pregnancies, and let me tell you my babies were definitely big enough. The size of a pregnant belly is not always a good indication of the size baby will be.

Oh! Two boys. Bet you’ll be trying for a girl next time! (Or any variation related to baby’s gender).

First of all, having one of each gender does not equal divine happiness and a reason to stop having children, nor a reason to have more if she has two of the same. Secondly, she is still pregnant with her current child and that’s probably all she wants to focus on for now. And I am 100% sure that she does not want to discuss her future plans with a complete stranger. She may have not even discussed these plans with her partner yet.

Have you been asked ridiculous questions or endured intrusive comments from strangers while pregnant? Do you have any advice for pregnant women on how to deal? Please share in the comment section below! Thanks for reading, Mamas!

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TheMamaNurse

Hi! I am a Registered Nurse on a unit that encompasses labour and delivery, postpartum, medical, surgical and palliative care in a rural hospital in Ontario, Canada. I am a mom of two and am passionate about women's rights, mom and infant care, parenting and nursing. I hope to create an educational, entertaining and highly relatable resource for women around the world. Thanks for stopping by! Xo, The Mama Nurse

27 thoughts on “15 Comments Strangers Say to Pregnant Women (That They Shouldn’t!)

  • May 8, 2016 at 1:29 am
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    People are so rude, as if being pregnant makes you public property! I used to hate it when random people felt they could put a hand on my bump, and all the comments about size. Oh, and how I looked tired (what did people expect!?!) #KCACOLS

    Reply
  • May 8, 2016 at 6:44 am
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    oh PEOPLE! I got the “you’re very smell, is everything ok?” thing. Drove me mad. And “oh, a girl! Are you going to try again for a boy?”
    My other favourite was “Was it planned?” Always with “it” even when people knew she was a girl. I thought this was a really stupid question considering I’m gay… #KCACOLS

    Reply
  • May 8, 2016 at 2:58 pm
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    So funny and so true. Other variants include should you be doing / eating that? I read something on the Internet that said blah, blah. Well, thanks for giving me something else to worry about!
    Mrs Tubbs recently posted…I Wish I’d Blogged That … May 2016My Profile

    Reply
  • May 8, 2016 at 3:35 pm
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    Fab post and unfortunately I can relate to one or two of these! Some people are just either so insensitive or just dont think before they make comments like these. I try to rise above it, but its hard when you are pregnant and already dont feel your greatest and may be a little more sensitive to what people say and how they say it. Emily #KCACOLS

    Reply
  • May 9, 2016 at 6:15 am
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    My eldest is 11 months and my youngest is 3 weeks. The amount of times people asked me if our second was planned was crazy. She was in fact planned! ?

    #KCAOLS

    Reply
    • May 11, 2016 at 8:07 am
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      Exactly! You never know what the parents plans are/were and as a stranger it frankly isn’t any of your business , lol.

      Reply
  • May 9, 2016 at 3:48 pm
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    Fantastic list that I am sure so many can relate to! I had my fair share of these, especially the ‘was this planned’. Admittedly, the second wasn’t and there is only an 11 month age gap but still it did start to grate. Great post. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you can come back again next Sunday xx
    Tammymum recently posted…Blogging – 6 months in. My Profile

    Reply
  • May 10, 2016 at 8:56 am
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    Love this post! It is so true and since I loved being prego (as we called it lol) I try to remind myself to control my questions when talking to the soon to be mom. I let her lead, and never ask to touch anything! Not even the baby, she will let you know if you are welcome.
    I still get told I am 1. too young to have teens, or 2. yeah I look like a mom of teens. I wish they would make up their mind, am I young or old? Doesn’t matter I feel 3 times my age most days anyway! lol I had mine 22 months apart-on purpose! That’s right, I wanted them close to each other in age as possible, call me crazy 😛 Thanks for this great post! #KCACOLS

    Reply
    • May 11, 2016 at 8:06 am
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      I know, right?! Everyone seems to have their own opinion, and they often don’t match up! So confusing 😀 Thanks for reading

      Reply
  • May 10, 2016 at 8:19 pm
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    Ugh you really took me back! So true, why is it the belly invites so much commentary and touching! I hated people feeling my belly uninvited! #KCACOLS

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  • May 11, 2016 at 3:09 am
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    Eurgh so true! Throughout my pregancy people said to me “your bump is so small, are you sure the baby’s growing ok?” followed by “your bump is high, it must be a boy”. My little bump was a girl and very healthy!! Brilliant list, made me smile 🙂 #KCACOLS

    Reply
  • May 12, 2016 at 5:24 am
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    I got pregnant with in a few months of having my second baby, and people presumed it was by accident. But it wasn’t we choose to have them close together. I wish people would just mind their own business and keep their comments to themselves #KCACOLS
    Natasha Mairs recently posted…Lalaloopsy Minis Style ‘N’ SwapMy Profile

    Reply
  • May 12, 2016 at 1:37 pm
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    Perfect list – I have no idea why people think any of these are acceptable things to say, but I did experience quite a few of them! The one which especially used to annoy me was when people would ask if I’d had morning sickness and then offer me advice about how they dealt with it – I was unrelentingly sick from 6 weeks through to 32 weeks, I think I’d tried everything by week 7 with zero impact! #KCACOLS

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    • May 16, 2016 at 3:16 pm
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      Ah, sorry to hear Katy! Hearing the same thing over and over can be just a “tad” annoying! 😉

      Reply
  • June 11, 2016 at 5:18 pm
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    Oh this list could go on. My four children are 19, 18, 16, and 15 – and people still ask me if when/if I’m trying for a girl. I wasn’t. I’m not. And holy freaking rude.

    Also, don’t touch the mama unless she says you can. I actually punched a person I didn’t know in a grocery store because they walked up and touched my stomach while I was shopping… they didn’t even SAY anything, just went straight for my stomach. That’s super creepy, I will never understand why people think it’s okay.
    Loretta recently posted…Stitching Bloggers Blog Hop: Thrift Store TreasuresMy Profile

    Reply
  • June 12, 2016 at 5:51 am
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    Lol I’m surprised “how much weight have you gained?” And “are you doing your kegels?” Aren’t on this list!

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  • December 19, 2016 at 8:35 pm
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    There is only one acceptable comment to a pregnant woman: You look great!

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  • February 6, 2017 at 8:18 am
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    hi everyone i had been married since 3 and half years ago, since then i am trying to conceive. my age is 34 years now, my hormonal reports including FSH,LH,estrogen and thyriod function tests are normal, my diagnostic laproscopy is also normal and my husbands semen analysis is also normal. my serum prolactin levels are normal, but i have got breast tenderness and secretion after ovulation upto my periods. i have underwent three cycles of IUI without any success. now i am worried what to do? please give me possible reasons for this delay and what should be the future course of action. how can i have a baby for my husband that was my question. so a friend introduce me to this native iya basira so i contacted her, after using her herbs she sent, to my believe i was tested pregnant, it was an amazing miracle. when i showed my husband the result i could see the joy in his eyes, thank iya basira once again for your help, may the lord continue to bless you for the fertility help you are giving we women in need, this is her email contact, for you guys that need her help, she is a wonderful mother. nativeiyabasira@yahoo.com

    Reply

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