OK people! Regardless of how cute her belly is, becoming pregnant does not take away a woman’s right to privacy, personal space and respect. Once a pregnant belly becomes visible, strangers seem to flock from near and far to unite and invade her bubble, ask awkward personal questions and make rude comments. The following are things strangers should never, ever say to a pregnant woman. Listen up!
Are you having twins?
Though you may just be trying to poke some fun, this will probably seem like an obscure way to tell a pregnant woman you think they are huge. Not cool. Pregnancy changes a woman’s body in multiple ways and it
can be super hard to adjust to these changes. A comment suggesting that she looks as big as a house does not do much for the old self-esteem! Even if she is having twins, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to be told she is gigantic. Just a hunch.
You’re STILL pregnant?! You have been pregnant for forever!
You don’t say? Although that pregnant woman will probably agree with you, she doesn’t need another memo that she is still uncomfortably pregnant. It will be pretty obvious to her when she tries to tie her shoes, put pants on or when she has to go pee for the fiftieth time today.
You must be having a boy! You’re carrying all behind.
I remember being told this multiple times, and all I could think was, “does this mean you think my ass is big?” Although most people are attempting to take a fun guess at your baby’s gender, comments related to a pregnant woman’s body shape or weight is off-limits. Simple as that.
Carrying a little water, huh?
Whether her belly is large because she is carrying extra amniotic fluid or she has swelling in her hands and feet, she will be super uncomfortable and won’t want to discuss it with a complete stranger. She also is probably sufficiently self-conscious about her “kankles” already. Can’t we all just pretend they don’t exist (providing there is no medical concern).
You were married for a long time before having kids. Did you guys have trouble getting pregnant?
Unfortunately, infertility is becoming more and more prevalent and it causes a lot of added stress on a relationship. Discussing the times before conception could bring up a lot of strong negative feelings. Unless they bring it up themselves, this is frankly none of your business.
You look like a child yourself! Are you old enough to have kids?
Insert foot in mouth now. Looks can be deceiving when it comes to age. Also, if you are speaking to a soon to be young mother, don’t you think she already knows she is young? She has made a noble decision to see this pregnancy through and needs guidance and support, not judgemental comments.
Can I feel him kick?
No, you can back the H up. Having an adorable belly does not remove a woman’s right to have personal space. If you wouldn’t touch her belly when she isn’t pregnant, don’t bother asking to now. Doing so will ultimately make you both endure a super awkward moment that you will both try to forget about.
Your other child looks so young. Someone must not have been very careful. Was this one planned?
None of your freaking business! Families have all sorts of reasons to have their kids within varying time frames, whether planned or not. Your curiosity does not give you carte blanche to judge a family’s decision to have more children or the spacing between them.
You’re having a hard time with this pregnancy? That’s too bad, I didn’t even notice when I was.
A pregnant woman who is obviously not enjoying herself will not want to hear about your miraculous pregnancy experience or how much you glowed. End of story.
I wore my pre-pregnancy pants home from the hospital.
While this is very impressive, this can be deceiving (your jeans or your stretchy yoga pants two sizes too big?) and put an unrealistic expectation on postpartum women. Sure, this can happen, but it is an exception to the rule. Every woman experiences pregnancy and the year beyond differently. They don’t need to compare themselves to other’s and worry about their body image before they have even had their beautiful baby.
I have the worst labour and delivery story in the world. Do you want to hear it?
Though I believe that knowledge is power and pregnant women should do some research before going into labour, there is no need to scare the pants off of them with horror stories. Generally speaking, if you are making small talk in line at Walmart with a pregnant woman trying to buy breast pads, please spare her from your gory labour stories.
Are you going to nurse? You do know that breast is best, right?
Give me a break. Let’s get this straight: Every woman in all of Western civilization knows that breastfeeding has its benefits. I am also positive that pregnant women know whether they are planning to nurse their baby after delivery or not, since most birth plans cover this topic. She doesn’t need your pep talk. Breastfeeding a baby is not as easy as it seems, and these comments from strangers add unneeded stress to a new mom’s already difficult journey. Save your preaching for church.
Did you get any stretch marks?
This is a very personal question and is usually laden with judgement. If a pregnant woman wanted complete strangers to know all about the changes her body has undergone during pregnancy, then she would walk around topless. You don’t see that too often, do you?
You’re so tiny! Are you sure your baby is big enough?
Though this question may be an attempt at a compliment, chances are it will make her worry that her baby is unhealthy. I was asked this question numerous times during my pregnancies, and let me tell you my babies were definitely big enough. The size of a pregnant belly is not always a good indication of the size baby will be.
Oh! Two boys. Bet you’ll be trying for a girl next time! (Or any variation related to baby’s gender).
First of all, having one of each gender does not equal divine happiness and a reason to stop having children, nor a reason to have more if she has two of the same. Secondly, she is still pregnant with her current child and that’s probably all she wants to focus on for now. And I am 100% sure that she does not want to discuss her future plans with a complete stranger. She may have not even discussed these plans with her partner yet.
Have you been asked ridiculous questions or endured intrusive comments from strangers while pregnant? Do you have any advice for pregnant women on how to deal? Please share in the comment section below! Thanks for reading, Mamas!